zavodilaterrarium | Afflatus Solace

Last edited: 10 March 2026.

Intro

Hello! I previously to use Zavodila as my name a lot more, but newer friends might know me as Llymlaen (I like both), though I consistently sign my art with 丽力. I am genderqueer (zae/they/it). I enjoy art, games, reading, science, etc. Current games of interest are Final Fantasy XIV and Honkai: Star Rail (secondarily, various Zelda games). Feel free to say hi! I am a young adult, so forgive me for some of my naiveté.

Generally, I am much more active on Discord, but I am unlikely to DM first, so it might be a little awkward to add me there unless we have mutual servers or you're very talkative.

Politically, I am probably best described as 'progressive' or 'leftist', and I'm non-religious. If I say something that is ignorant or cruel, feel free to point it out constructively. I might get a bit defensive, but I promise to try and keep my cool.

My profile has some other details.

Journal Button/Section Labels

The terminology of my journal may be confusing, but a FFXIV player might be able to figure it out. Some of these terms will not be visible as of writing this due to being a free account.

The title of my journal shares a name with my FFXIV canon-adjacent fanfic (here and in my project journal), while my reading page title is shared with my FFXIV modern no-powers AU (here and in my project journal.

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Journal Set-Up

I use tags to indicate whether a post is public or locked. Of course, this is only relevant if you're on my access list, but it makes it easier to find my locked posts if maybe I only gave you access after a long time, or easier to avoid those locked posts in case you have a similar principle to

ysabetwordsmith; "I rarely friend journals that are mostly or entirely private, because I like to link things, and the lock dingbat is so small I miss it. Therefore, the most effective way to avoid annoying everyone by linking to locked posts is to avoid reading blogs that use them.". I might add 'LOCKED' to the titles of those posts in the future, but who knows?

I'm putting the WIPs of any longer or multi-part projects in

corrosivefate just to keep clutter down.

You may or may not notice, but I'm trying to have my journal be fairly mobile-friendly. Most posts that don't fit comfortably on my phone screen will get cropped, but in a way that still looks good on my laptop. However, due to using the aforementioned laptop, big monitors or significant zooming-out might make my journal look a little awkwardly formatted. Shouldn't be unreadable or anything, just unnatural gaps probably.

Posts / Content Warnings

I post whatever comes to mind, and things I create. Be warned that I will occasionally mention my health problems, bad thoughts/dreams, etc. Both my fiction posts and IRL posts might include sensitive topics such as violence/war, surgeries/medication, mental health struggles, bad relationships, and so on. I will try to put anything particularly sensitive behind a cut or details tag. Rarely will I use the NSFW/discretion setting as I prefer keeping things vague-ish instead.

Even with darker topics, I will usually keep things brief and analytical rather than indulge in the suffering (more flexibility with fiction posts though). Besides 'basic' stuff like fighting/murder, I do not tend to enjoy content that embraces/approves of (exploration/commentary is different) things I morally/otherwise disagree with, so in most cases you will get no positivity from me on incest, pedophilia, abuse, etc.

Interactions

18+ is preferable, but my journal content is not overly mature currently, and I'm not old enough that I can't talk to people a little below that.

No obligations in following me back or providing me with access to your journal. I only have some locked posts, which are just life things — in some cases, the only reason I have them locked is so that certain friends don't see them, I'm fine with others knowing. I'll give access pretty easily if we talk a bit first, I get to look through your posts, and I think we vibe.

Reply to whatever you want, whenever you want, with any length of comment. If I don't want comments, I'll just close comments on that post.

As much as I do get extremely uncomfortable with and disgusted by some people's fictional/real preferences, I will generally just block and ignore it because I don't have the energy to be out here arguing and whatever. I believe equally that fiction reflects reality to an extent, and that some battles aren't worth fighting.

If I ban you from my journal with no prior interactions, it's probably not personal. If you can manage to find a way, I guess you can ask me why I banned you, but were we really important enough to each other for you to care? If we were, I'd probably just tell you beforehand. If we were actually close and you suspect it was an accident or the result of a mental health crisis, first give it some time, then ask around, and finally contact me directly somewhere else (be reasonable — no spam, and take no reply with grace).

People Whom I Might Mention can be found in the linked access-locked post.

OCs Whom I Might Mention

Final Fantasy Original Characters

My WoL is Eudaemonia "Eurys" Euphrosyne, born Yuyuda Yuda (she/her demigirl). Her father is Leleyuna Sosoyuna. Her chocobo is Sophrosyne.

WoL made by Honguito and I is Yoyoberi Momoberi (technically not his name but for the sake of privacy I'm calling him that), Eudae's twin brother.

My other characters are Benitoki Kagemasa (he/she bigender) and Borlaaq (Geneq) Saikhanbayar (she/they transguy).

In Light of You (Original Work)

Kuna (he/him cisguy) and Yup-Lei "Yulie" (she/he genderfluid) are the protagonists.

Dari (they/them genderless species) is technically one of my personas, who got away from me once I started forming a story around them.

Kytadit "Adin" (they/them)

Aleino (she/her)

Tonia

Ester

Emote: /wave
Orchestrion Roll: CH4NGE (Self Cover) — Giga

Last edited: 14 March 2026.

The private stuff is here mostly for my own convenience.

Navigation
[Public] | [Access-locked] | [Private]

( Read more... )

Emote: /notetake
Orchestrion Roll: Summerboy — Lady Gaga

( Link lists under cut )

Emote: /headache
Orchestrion Roll: The Death of Rats — Louie Zong

The video in question is My Doctor Had to Tell Me I Was in Love, which is essentially an audio version of a Substack post by

spencer690184. I may or may not have shed tears or stood up in disbelief at multiple points. Mild warning for the video/post if you're very much not looking forward to brief mentions of sexual attraction and acts. I will not be addressing those here because they're not relevant.

( Mental health and romance talk under cut )

Wow, I hope I never talk about this again, but I just feel utterly compelled to yap about it. Never thought my journal would be like this... I kind of want people to respond to this, yet I have no idea what I want to hear. Something bluntly disapproving? A gentle comfort? "Confess already, you coward"?? "That's rough, buddy"???!!!

Well, it's not like I'm really that unaware of whose response I want. The catharsis of others isn't enough in the end, is it?

Emote: /frown
Orchestrion Roll: Kiss or Kill — Stela Cole

... every time I mention something I've thought/done in relation to my crush, lol. It makes me laugh, but in that way where I feel vaguely crazy.

As I'm writing this, RanRan just sent a message in the groupchat asking to VC, which reminds me that a while ago, he asked me to say this about him in my journal: "my little brother oh he is so very kind to me and he never bullies me" LMAOOOO. I've only known him for a couple of months but he really is like a little brother already.

I'm in VC rn and Wowo bullied me for being Aussie </3 People keep assuming the 'weird' words I use are Aussie-specific, when they're usually just British terms (except mozzie) XD Two birthdays are coming up, and I'm probably just gonna send birthday messages since I don't have the energy (or time) for anything else.

Emote: /blush
Orchestrion Roll: Tarinaieye — frederic

Got bit by mozzies last night, though not as much as Alex :(

Been VCing a bit more with Lesti lately. It's a little awkward for me because neither of us are particularly good at striking up conversations, but she's the one who keeps suggesting, so either I'm the only one feeling like this, or she wants to talk despite it. To be fair, my energy levels are usually the bigger problem when it comes to VCing anyway.

Last night, I showered late and went into Eureka while I waited for my hair to dry.

There were two reasons I chose Eureka despite being alone party/friend-wise (which is kinda boring): 1. The recent Pagos NM trains reminded of the kettle, and thus the weapon I hadn't finished; 2. I wasn't feeling up for the fast pace of duties but still wanted to fight. Apparently, I didn't remember or didn't learn that you could buy the weapon materials with crystals, so I finished the Anemos stage of my PLD weapons without having to struggle against Pazuzu, then went to bed. I did a session in Pagos before dinner (was in the call with Lesti in the second half) and spent quite a bit of time trying and failing to summon the Snow Queen lmao. The rest of the time, I went around spawning NMs for crystals and kettle charges. Being alone + doing lower-level NMs + failing to get Snow Queen + accidentally missing the minotaur brothers' ledge (someone else spawned them) meant that I only got 4 kettle charges in 2.5 hours. You need 31 charges per weapon so... lol

I'd seen it floating around on my homepage for a bit, but today I finally started watching Breath of the Wild is a game about nothing by

helthpotioncafe.

I'm 2 hours in out of 6, and I feel that it pretty accurately captures how I feel about BotW. As funny as it can be, it's a deeply quiet experience that isn't perfect by any means, but lives and breathes in the emptiness of a world ravaged by destruction and despair that Link barely remembers, a world that longs to return to a time of peace and sometimes succeeds in small pockets across the land. It doesn't always hit, for some people it never works, and others might argue that it's better as a point of discussion — a theoretical, a backdrop for a thinkpiece — over a game.

In a way, it's precisely that emptiness that draws me into it more than other mainline Zelda games. I guess you could say it's a different expression of what I want my magnum opus to be, something that sits and waits. Too much saturation (in colour, content, whatever) for too long, and it becomes overwhelming. To me, Breath of the Wild is a game that mostly succeeds in 'lacking'; it's not selling you on this idea of endless playtime, on constant stimulation, on a bustling world of joy and rambunctious adventure, so it doesn't really feel like I'm missing out on something.

Emote: /blowbubbles
Aetheryte: Eureka Pagos
Orchestrion Roll: Here Comes A Thought — Jinja

I don't have an ultimate goal for my art, and I haven't ever followed through on a personal, explicitly artistic task that's more than a couple weeks' work, so I never really wonder about what my theoretical main long-term project would be.

Yet, very recently, the idea has wormed its way into my brain. I'm a total sucker for media that, in the end, makes me cry bittersweet tears, that embraces hope after suffering, a feeling with the warm colours of dusk (one of the best colour palettes to exist btw). It could be mediocre at best and still leave an impression.

Thus, I want to make something like that. The awe of something raw and full of love, infused with complete and utter understanding... I suppose you could call it my escape from hate and destruction, but I like the idea that to wholeheartedly adore is to rebel, to engage in a fight against that very abhorrence and judgement.

It wouldn't need romance, or to shy away from humour and angst, or to be perfect... it would just have to be compassionate and honest. I think that would be a better way to express my emotions — for as much as indulging in pain can be cathartic, it reached its limit for me a long time ago.

So much of what I've written has been either entirely humorous, angsty, or a combination, which is great and all, but seems woefully unequipped to dig into all the little things that do actually motivate me to continue on, all the moments where I feel truly and explicably alive, the thoughts that make rainbows swirl in the air as I lay down in my dimly-lit room and slowly blink at the ceiling.

Frequently, I long for time to stop or loop until I feel ready to march on forth, or to sleep and sleep until all my worries wear away and I can wake up to a situation I'm prepared for. I want to immerse in the sensation of being fully rested before I tackle the day, but I know it's unrealistic as things stand. I wish I had all the time in the world to soak in the colours of the sunset, and maybe the closest I'll ever get is to draw it myself.

Emote: /ponder
Orchestrion Roll: 心のそばに — Belle

I ranted about it a while ago, but once again the evil known as microscopes entered the scene.

I love them so much, but they do not like me, especially the ones that inexplicably have no option to adjust the distance between the eyepieces. I swear I tried all reasonable distance/focus setups, but then again, I was always rushing trying to just get setup that worked enough to do the prac, so it's possible I missed the milimeter-perfect measurements... At least we're mostly using microscopes to take pictures, so I don't need to use the eyepieces at all in many pracs.

I got to have a nerdy conversation with a classmate for once though! It feels very awkward trying to bring up a lot of my interests with random people (partly because a lot of it is gay), so I was surprised and very happy when my lab partner said they saw my HSR laptop background and played it too! They mentioned feeling like people here aren't that into Asian media, which makes up a decent amount of my main interests. Though I am not one, them being hijabi made me more comfortable as well*. I'm not sure why, but I associate hijabi (who are not in Asia) with nerds lmao. Anyway, we talked about art, HSR, ORV, Arcane (I don't watch it, but I've heard a lot), and maybe some other stuff.

Honguito made me watch the first episode of Steel Ball Run without having watched anything else from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and I felt a little like my brain had been scrambled with a bomb; confused, almost curious, but in need of a trusted adult (aka I don't think I'd watch it independently).

Ugh, I've got a headache along a path from around my left eye over my head to the back of my neck. I assume it's posture/neck muscle related, but who knows.

( Religion and empathy talk )

Emote: /joy
Orchestrion Roll: Queen's Gambit — Milisen

I'm currently in mild pain from my period, but earlier it made my lower back area acted up to an extent it never has before. Not fun, but not personally concerning yet. I'd like to clarify, my period does not seem to give me mood swings, just reasonable distress from being uncomfortable and in pain. So my ranting is not because of it, I can just be normally aggressive instead XD

( Rant with swearing and all-caps under cut )

( Discussions of IQ, academic performance, and choices in education under cut )

( Queer discourse under cut )

Honestly I wonder if I should have split this into different posts, but I've spent too long rereading it and can't be bothered lol

Emote: /wince
Aetheryte: Under the Blood Moon
Orchestrion Roll: I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You — Nerd Magnet

Last edited: 29 March 2026.

I don't have the records for the first AA anymore, but I can kinda guess based on Lone Stardust owned and spent.

okay
maths time to figure out my first aa score
i’ve owned a total of at least [4500] lone stardust (not sure if more, but i bought at least 3400 worth of items and currently have [1100])
800 would have come from Jokes Come True
= [3700] from aa
1200 max per round
second round = 1100
third round = 700
forth round = [1000]
[3700] - (1100 + 700 + [1000]) = 900 lone stardust
300 from completing k1-3 cause no way i did plight king, 400 or 600 from knight stars. and 0 or 200 from king stars, aka 6-9/9 and 0-2/3

Edited to reflect my new score after the initial calculation.

Light Cone and Eidolon info may be inaccurate in rounds before Cyber Crisis.

Anomaly Arbitration	Knight (I)	Knight (II)	Knight (III)	King in Check	KiC: Plight
1. Intellitron Endgame ⭐️ ≥6/9 & 💫 ≥2/3 or ⭐️ 9/9 & 💫 ≥0/3	≥⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️			≥0	N/A
	Likely: The Herta or Firefly	Likely: Kafka E0S0 Hysilens E0S0 Black Swan E0S0 Huohuo E0S0	Likely: Castorice E0S0 Evernight E0S0 TB (Rem) E5-E6S0 Hyacine E0S0	Likely: Castorice E0S0 Evernight E0S0 TB (Rem) E5-6S0 Hyacine E0S0	N/A
2. Illusory Realm of the Blazing Sun ⭐️ 9/9 💫 2/3	⭐️⭐️⭐️ C1	⭐️⭐️⭐️ C2	⭐️⭐️⭐️ C2	💫💫 C4	N/A
2. Illusory Realm of the Blazing Sun ⭐️ 9/9 💫 2/3	Kafka E0S0 Hysilens E0S0 Black Swan E0S0 Huohuo E0S0	Castorice E0S0 Cyrene E0S1 Evernight E0S0 Hyacine E0S0	The Herta E0S0 Jade E0S0 Tribbie E0S0 Aventurine E0S0	Castorice E0S0 Cyrene E0S1 Evernight E0S0 Hyacine E0S	N/A
3. Dissonance ⭐️ 5/9 💫 2/3	⭐️⭐️ C3	⭐️ C5	⭐️⭐️ C3	💫💫 C4	N/A
3. Dissonance ⭐️ 5/9 💫 2/3	Castorice E0S0 Evernight E0S0 Tribbie E0S0 Hyacine E0S0	Kafka E0S0 Hysilens E0S0 Black Swan E0S0 Huohuo E0S0	Phainon E0S0 Cyrene E0S1 Ruan Mei E1S0 Robin E0S0	Castorice E0S0 Cyrene E0S1 Evernight E0S0 Hyacine E0S0	N/A
4. Cyber Crisis ⭐️ 8/9 💫 3/3	⭐️⭐️ C3	⭐️⭐️⭐️ C2	⭐️⭐️⭐️ C2	💫💫💫 C2	N/A
4. Cyber Crisis ⭐️ 8/9 💫 3/3	Kafka E0S0 Hysilens E0S0 Black Swan E0S0 DHPT E0S0	Castorice E0S0 Cyrene E0S1 Evernight E0S0 Hyacine E0S0	Sparxie E0S0 Yaoguang E0S0 Sparkle E0S0 Fu Xuan E1S0	Sparxie E0S0 Sparkle E0S0 Yaoguang E0S0 Fu Xuan E1S0	N/A
5. Don't Mess With Pom-Pom ⭐️ 7/9 💫 2/3	⭐️⭐️⭐️ C2	⭐️⭐️⭐️ C2	⭐️ C5	💫💫 C4	N/A
5. Don't Mess With Pom-Pom ⭐️ 7/9 💫 2/3	Sparxie E0S0 Yaoguang E0S0 Sparkle E0S0 Fu Xuan E1S0	Castorice E0S0 Evernight E0S0 Hyacine E0S0 Cyrene E0S1	Kafka E0S0 Hysilens E0S0 Black Swan E0S0 DHPT E0S0	Sparxie E0S0 Sparkle E0S0 Yaoguang E0S0 Fu Xuan E1S0	N/A

Emote: /psych
Orchestrion Roll: Fly High — Milet

I keep changing my mind on how I want to tag things, so I've been making a lot of random reformats/additions lol

The latest new tag is !: status: edited for any entries that I deem to have been notably altered. In this case, 'notably' means that either the meaning or experience has changed. For example, I do not consider grammar and spelling fixes to be edits (unless it was so egregious as to be confused for something unrelated initially), but a total reformat or chunks of added/removed content are considered as edits. Minor or nebulous things like adding a singular forgotten word may or not may not qualify, depending on how long it was left unfixed and how important it was. Anyway, I made the tag because I would personally like it from a reader's perspective, not so much because I personally need to keep tabs on my own work XD

Aaand I just realised I have two tags that end in "drawing" LOL I'll change that before I finish this entry!

Sighhh I really oughta go back to applying the CSS classes to all my posts for the big dopamine.

Unrelated to any of that, but I got 3/3 for HSR's Anomaly Arbitration for the first time!

Emote: /converse
Orchestrion Roll: GMFU — Syd

Probably because I feel asleep in allergen-contaminated clothes, sigh.

I forgot how much I loved On the Way to Meet Mom by

gomyang236, a comic in a fantasy world about a human child named Mori who desires to have a mother after his friend is taken from the orphanage by her own, having only lived in the wild and an orphanage before. Believing his anonymous sponsor to be a candidate, he runs away to find them. The art is gorgeous, and while Mori isn't a realistic-looking kid necessarily, I don't think he looks uncanny or weird — it feels like the artist actually has practice making drawing children who actually look like children, which isn't that common in my experience. Anyway, I bring it up because I read the first epilogue the other day and gosh, I love all the characters so much I want to squeeze them like stressballs.

Speaking of comics and art, I love reading the wild shit (lol) that

hakeism draws for and writes. I'd immediately thought "this is 100% an artist GuiGui would enjoy" and I was right XD

I got reminded about my ADHD diagnosis experience because one of my friends is finally actually considering getting it checked out. I still think the funniest question in the questionnaires my psychologist sent was just point blank "are you in a gang" LMAO

Emote: /smile
Orchestrion Roll: 神様になった日 — Reol

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Thirst, Hunger, and Whatever Ails You

{NO AI} Posting art, writing, FFXIV, and my life.

Quest Log

Chat Macro: An Overview

Chat Macro: Masterpost || Archives and Other Collections

Behemoths, Bits and Bobs: Hostile architecture, Shrimp Miku, etc.

I can't tell if watching this video made me feel better or worse. Actually, probably both.

Pan keeps calling me cute...

The Day of the Fools of April

I think my ideal magnum opus would be gently funny and heartfelt

My Mortal Frenemy And Nerding Out

Let's Stop Lying About Strangers, and other recent things

HSR: Anomaly Arbitration Records

Tagging Shenanigans

My brain hurts :(

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April 2026

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